It
took nearly a year to finish, but the rough draft for my first novel has been
completed!
Honestly,
the process could have been completed in a couple of months if I had stayed at
it. However, several months in the middle were lost in a bout with depression
that I hope never has to be repeated. Waking up each morning and struggling to
find a reason to live made writing an incredibly difficult task to face. As I
begin my first round of editing, I can see where my mindset was at the beginning
of the book, and how it changed as writing went on.
In
many ways, it helped to convey the tone I intended throughout the work. The
story was darkest in the middle of this leg of the story, and that was my low
point in my personal life. My own attitudes and emotions were imprinted on some
of the characters, and as I look back I realize that it was largely
appropriate.
It’s
strange, how characters take on a life of their own. There are many individuals
I had planned deaths for, only to find them still a part of the team as the
book drew to a close. Some of them even survived the encounters in which I
meant for them to perish! On the other side, though, I lost a character or two
along the way that I really didn’t intend to lose. One particular old man still
bothers me, and while I wish I could go back and rewrite the passage to give
him a happier ending, I know that would be a greater injustice than his cruel
fate.
Maybe
this doesn’t make sense to you, or maybe you’re nodding your head and saying, “Yeah.
I know exactly what he’s talking about.” I think anyone who has spent much time
writing knows that you have to let your characters walk where the story takes
them. If the world becomes real, the events feel as uncontrollable to me as a
writer as the events of the real world. No one wants to get that phone call
saying a loved one has had an accident. The same can be said, to a lesser
emotional degree, of characters I’ve created. They have lives and stories to
tell, and sometimes their death means part of their story can never be told. It
is locked in my head (and my notes) forever.
I’m
excited to know that the first stage of writing this book has come to an end.
Even though I have at least three more books planned in this series, I feel a
sense of accomplishment knowing that I have written a full-length book. There
have been many voices along the way, telling me that I’d never make a living as
a writer, and that only jobs with a tangible output have real value to society.
I allowed those voices to dictate my writing for the last decade, and I have
not written nearly as much as I could have. That is my one regret, and it also
informs my advice to other intrepid writers. Don’t ever allow others to tell
you that writing is a waste of time.
I
may never make money with this book, and it may never even find a publisher.
Yet even if I knew in the beginning, when I sat down last June to start
brainstorming for the world of Cestre, that this manuscript would sit on my
shelf and collect dust for the rest of my life, I still would embark on the
journey. I feel that I’m a more complete person for the journey. Time spent in
so many characters’ heads has helped me to better understand my own self, and
how I come to understand the world around me.
I’m
rambling now. I’ll end it here by saying a big thank you to the people who have
motivated me along the way, and who continue to motivate me as I move into the
editing process. A special thank you is in order for my mother, my wife and
son, and for my Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Ford. She reinforced my love of
reading and always told me I’d dedicate my first book to her. Whether it is
ever published, Mrs. Ford, know that this first novel is dedicated to you.
